spirals & hey look 1900!

 

 Today is my 1900th blog post.

You will not see them all.

Most were wiped away when Blogger updated.

I have some saved.

Thank you for reading my thoughts, hopes & dreams for a good long time.

Today I want to talk about the spiral.

Mommy would tell me that in order to help others I need to imagine

a spiral in the sand... starting with me then growing to my family, friends, community

and so on...as it spiralled around getting larger.

She wanted me to understand that in order to help anyone

I had to first be healthy & stable...independent myself.

Then I could move on to the other rings....

Took me a long while to get it.

But I do now.

I got to thinking... the water is very much like that as well.

The ripples start with an impact and then move out from the center.

Also, look at the fingerprint and the tree rings....

I guess it is right in front of me all along...

If I want to change the world I must first address the needs in myself

and in my family & community first.

Energy flows that way in a natural pattern that is not forced,

coerced or shamed.

 It just is.

**********

For my 1900th post I wanted to make it simple but effective.

I have had moments of frustration and exhaustion with trying to 

get people to understand that I am not on any *side*.

Though every day I get messages or emails from others telling me

who I am.

I thought that I would perhaps end the blog all together.

Just stop trying to prove myself to people who really only wish 

for me to be the figment they have formed of me.

It is natural to question everything.

Both sides...all sides.

It is what we ( hopefully) teach our children to do.

But I have found that there are folks who have no

problem instantly shaming, attacking with words anything other than their narrative.

I have questioned why this is.

Why seemingly lovely folks would turn on friends and family

if they do not agree with them 100%

They were not always like this.

Tolerance is.

It is not negotiable.

Demanding it yet not practicing it is ridiculous .

Yet here we are.

Where do we go from here?

I have no clue.

That is why I pray.

**********

It is all about expectations and disappointments.

If I am true to who I am, which is pretty much an outcast...

unlike most people, than I should not be affected by 

others shame or disappointments.

It is a lesson that I am working on & will be forever. 

My disappointments come when I feel like I have 

let others down...but for what?

Being me?

 Not fitting into a neat mould?

In the end it will always be between me & God.

That is it.

But from now to then...

I am a student of life, trying to honour my mom's legacy.

I wish this for you too.

xoxo

Raven